The Fart Files
THE COMMON FART
The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close
relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren't
yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding
fart in such a manner that everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with the Common
Fart.
THE ANXIOUS FART
The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the fart to be heard.
You may have seen men and women in book stores or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts. They are generally
controlled, usually barely audible, and require much skill to master.
THE COUGHING FART
The Coughing Fart is one that the farter tries to cover up with
a cough. My dad used to let these farts all the time when he worked at the Bingo Hall. He would stand at the back of the hall
and cough, just as a nice "common fart" was let. It can be embarrassing for the farter, and those around the farter,
if the timing is off at all, or if the fart is longer than anticipated.
THE WET FART
The Wet Fart is one that sounds quite juicy. Quite often this
fart is cause for alarm, and an indication that a trip to the toilet is imminent.
THE BLOWER
This fart is similar to the ripper, except it has a bit of a
hollow, windy sound to it. This is due to farter blowing all the gas out quickly. This fart will almost always get a laugh.
TIGHT BUN FART
This fart is always recognizable. It sounds like the farter's buns were so tight that he/she was in pain while
farting.
THE RIPPER
One of the best farts around is The Ripper. It is loud, rough, and always raises an eyebrow or two. Characteristics
of The Ripper often show up in other farts, but make no mistake - this fart is a single, powerful gas-bubble that comes screaming
from the farter's butt.
