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PAGE CONTENTS:
What Is A Grandparent?
Rhetorical Comments from Children's Discussions
Opinions About Love
Fractured Christmas Carols
Kids Say The Darndest Things
What Does Love Mean?
Proverbs From Kids
The Voice of Experience
Children's Letters to God
Children's Definition of Marriage
Kid's Letters to President Bush
Lyrics Misinterpreted by Kids...
Kid's Answers to Real Questions
From the Mouths of Babes
New Testament Bloopers From Sunday School Students
Things Every Kindergartner Knows About Food
The Things Our Children Say
Science Answers From 5th & 6th Graders
Excerpts From Grade School Students' Papers
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(taken
from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
* Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of
her own. They like other people's.
* A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!
* Grandparents
don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
* They are so old they shouldn't play hard or
run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
* When they take us for walks, they
slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
* They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers
and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
* They don't say, "Hurry up."
* Usually grandmothers are fat,
but not too fat to tie your shoes.
* They wear glasses and funny underwear.
* They can take their teeth and
gums out.
* Grandparents don't have to be smart.
* They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?"
and "How come dogs chase cats?".
* When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story
over again.
* Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are
the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
* They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say
prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
* A 6-year-old was asked where his granma lived.
"She lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back
to the airport."
* It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog."
[From AndyChaps]
Rhetorical Comments From Children's Discussions
* "I wonder if the tooth fairy is a boy or a girl."
* "Mom, what is it like being a grown up? Do you like
buying everything you want and giving the kids nothing?"
* "Mom, what name did you have when you were a kid?"
*
"I wish I had a birthday everyday."
* "If alcohol and cigarettes are bad for you then why did somebody invent them?"
* "Mom, are the friends you had as a kid still alive?"
* "The cat went to the vegetarian to be neutered."
"What's neutered?"
"It means he'll come back a girl."
* "What is a
pilgrim?" "That's the ones who don't know how to plant corn."
* "Who picked the very first king and queen there ever
was?"
* "Mom, when you die, can I be a mom?"
* "I can't swallow anything in my neck because my clams are swollen."
* "Mom, is there only one man in the world for me? How many are there? About 30 in each country?"
* "Does
God have a nose?"
* "Mom, you're the best mom I ever had."
[Courtesy of AndyChaps]
Opinions About Love
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons'
is on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide
from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding
fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should
know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)
SOME
SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as
love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries
usually works for me." (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just
see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring
at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order
one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are...on fire." (Christine,
9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him.
But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You learn it right on the
spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin,
9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why
I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
(Tom, 7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)
"Be a good kisser. It might
make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8)
Fractured Christmas Carols
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along
with these new takes on old favorites:
DECK THE HALLS:
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly...
WE THREE KINGS:
We three kings of porridge and tar..
Good tidings we bring to you and your kid.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS:
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me..
WINTER WONDERLAND:
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream
by the fire.
In the meadow we can build a snowman. Then pretend that he is sparse and brown.
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING
TO TOWN:
He's makin' a list, chicken and rice...
THE FIRST NOEL:
Noel. Noel. Barney's the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim...
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER:
Olive, the other reindeer...
You'll go
down in listerine!
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN:
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say...
SILENT NIGHT:
Sleep
in heavenly peas...
JINGLE BELLS:
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay...
OH COME ALL
YE FAITHFUL:
Come, froggy faithful...
KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got
to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
HOW
CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't
want any more kids. - Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and
people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age
8
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. - Pam, age 7
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls
to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD
BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin,
age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE
WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10
"What does love mean?"
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over
and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's
love."- Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You know that your name is safe in their mouth."- Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other." - Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." -Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri -
age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." - Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired
of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."
-Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you
stop opening presents and listen."- Bobby - age 5
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with
a friend who you hate."- Nikka - age 6
"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God
makes both kinds of them."- Jenny - age 4
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
wears it everyday." -Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who
are still friends even after they know each other so well." -Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared
anymore."- Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone
else kissing me to sleep at night."- Clare - Age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
-Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still
says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."- Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left
him alone all day."- Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all
her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."- Lauren - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only
picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her." - Bethany - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and
little stars come out of you."- Karen - age 7
"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't
think it's gross."- Mark - age 6 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should
say it a lot. People forget." -Jessica - age 8
PROVERBS FROM KIDS
A teacher had twenty- five students in her class and
she presented each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these
keep in mind that these are first graders..... 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
1. Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th
grader.
2. Strike while the...............................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before................Daylight
Saving Time.
4. Never under estimate the power of.....termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but......how?
6.
Don't bite the hand that.......................looks dirty.
7. No news is...........................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a.........................Mr..
9. You can't teach an old dog new..........math.
10. If
you lie down with dogs, you'll......stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust.............................me.
12.
The pen is mightier than the......pigs.
13. An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
14. Where
there's smoke there's.......pollution.
15. Happy the bride who...................gets all the presents.
16. A penny
saved is..........................not much.
17. Two's company, three's...............the Musketeers.
18. Don't put
off till tomorrow what.......you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ........you
have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should
be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed..................get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you....see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind leadeth the blind......get
out of the way.
And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than............................pregnant
(Thanks to my friend Alicia for this one.)
The Voice of Experience
"Never give up because life gets harder as you get older.
After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and bumpier."
-- Angela Martin, age 11
"Never
blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go
for at least a minute."
-- Lisa Coburn, age 9
"Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard
work. I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other day."
-- Nick Coleman, age 9
"Take
risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this
girl and I asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk."
-- Bruce Wagner, age 13
"A
realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun."
-- Megan, age 14
[Courtesy of AndyChaps]
CHILDRENS' LETTERS TO GOD
Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it
an accident?
-Norma
Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane
Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.
Is that okay?
-Neil
Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You
had everything.
-Jane
Dear God,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"?
Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was
a puppy.
-Joyce
Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad!
He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend.
(But
I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to
be our day of rest.
-Tom L.
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before,
You can look it up.
-Bruce
Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their
own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much
hair all over.
-Sam
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your goodest inventions.
-Ruth M.
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody
in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan
Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey
D.
Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said
You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Children's Definition of Marriage
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her
back to her parents."
-Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the
girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do
one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She
can't wait to find out."
-Anita, AGE 9
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means
you try the next one."
-Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do.
I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda handsome."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore and
you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."
-Bert,
AGE 5
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan."
-Kirsten, AGE
10
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody
to clean up after them."
-Anita, AGE 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I
don't need that kind of trouble."
-Will, AGE 7
Kid's Letters to President Bush
[From
a book by Bill Adler]
* Dear Mr. President:
How much money does the president
make? Could you please write and tell me because if it isn't enough money then I will become a dentist.
--Timoth U., age
7 Jamestown, NY
* When will we have a woman president? I am ready.
--Brooke A, age 10 Peoria, IL
* Do
you have any friends in Congress? My mom says your only friend is the vice-president.
--Richard D., age 8 Greenwich, CT
* Someday I hope there will be a woman president. But not my sister. She will drive everybody crazy----the Democrats
and Republicans.
--A citizen, Lawrence K., age 8 Atlanta, GA
* What is your favorite book? My mom said it is the
Bible because you have to pray a lot.
--Kimberly W., age 8, Meriden, CT
* Dear President Bush:
Can you help
with the weather in Seattle? It rains too much. My mom said not even the president can do anything about the weather. I hope
she is wrong. We need more sunshine in Seattle.
--Elizabeth P., age 8 Seattle WA
* What does Congress do all day?
My dad told me that Congress doesn't do anything but make trouble.
--Ralph N., Palm Beach, FL
* What does the
vice president do all day? I have asked a lot of grownups and nobody knows the answer.
--Shannon D., age 8 Bismarck, ND
* I think you won the election because you were a better speaker even if a lot of people didn't know what you were
talking about.
--Tracey O., age 10 Green Valley, AZ
* My girlfriend Betsy and I would like to get married in the
White House when we get married someday. We will be married in 20 years.
--Peter N., age 7 Bismarck, ND
* Dear
President Bush:
What size shoes do you wear? My grandfather died last month and he left a lot of shoes and my brother
and I would like to send you and the vice-president a pair of shoes. Do you like brown shoes or black shoes? We will shine
the shoes before we send them to you.
--Joey P., age 8 Erie, PA
* On TV you didn't answer some questions because
you said the answer was classified. Can I classify my answers? I got into trouble when I admitted I broke something I shouldn't
have touched. If I could say the answer is classified, I wouldn't be in trouble.
--Martin J., age 9 Philadelphia, PA
*
Dear Mr. President:
My girlfriend Alyssa is a Republican and I am a Democrat. Someday we may get married. Can a Democrat
marry a Republican and be happy? I am 12 and my girlfriend is 11. We would like your answer before we are 18.
--Ryan C.,
age 12 Philadelphia, PA
* Someday if we have a woman president we will need more closets in the White House so the
president will have room for all her clothes. My mom has three closets and my sister has two closets and my dad and my brother
and I have to share closets.
--Michael P., age 8 San Diego, CA
Lyrics Misinterpreted by Kids...
* God bless America thru the night with a light from a bulb!
*
Oh Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee!
* Give us this day our deli
bread! Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Whole East Coast.
* We shall come to Joyce's, bringing in
the cheese.
* Gladly, the consecrated, cross-eyed bear.
* He carrots for you.
* Yield Not to Penn
Station.
* Dust Around the Throne.
* Praise God From whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures, HERE
WE GO.
* Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.
* While shepherds washed their socks
by night.
* He socked me and boxed me with His redeeming glove.
Kid's Answers to Real Questions
The following are different answers given by elementary
school age children to each of the given questions:
How did your mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store
and dad was shoplifting.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2.
She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say
NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.
And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her
thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's
the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You
can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just
got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but
moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does
your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers
for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest mom?
1. She would make
broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always
be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but
she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children.
What would
it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would
it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
From The Mouths Of Babes
[Courtesy
of AndyChaps]
* "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year
old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard."
* My friend asked our grandson
when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
* Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed,
"Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"
* As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter
observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering."
* A friend's grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam
and Eve. He asked, "Is this where God took out the man's brain and made a woman?"
* Announcing to daughter Lori that
her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"
* When I asked our
grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back capital F!"
Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted
his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."
* My daughter
told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?"
* Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded,
"I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
* His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to
get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son. Me!"
* When our son asked about two look-alike classmates
at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what!
They are not only twins....they're brothers!!"
New Testament Bloopers From Sunday School Students
~ When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus
in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
~ St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water
on his head.
~ Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also
explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
~ It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get
the tombstone off the entrance.
~ The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
~ A Christian
should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
~ The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
~ One of
the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
~ When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.
~ St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for
marriage.
Things Every Kindergartner Knows About
Food
9. If it tastes really bad, the teacher knows a song about how great
it is!
8. In a pinch, glue is an acceptable condiment.
7. Absolutely everything tastes better with chocolate
syrup or ketchup on it.
6. Most blue food you find in the fridge will make the puppy sick.
5. Mom's M&M
cookies are worth two sandwiches and a dead frog.
4. Dr. Pepper supplies the best on-demand burps.
3. Most foods
can be used as finger paints when necessary.
2. Your dog, your cat and your one-year-old brother all look the same
eating peanut butter.
.. and the #1 Thing Every Kindergartner Knows About Food ...
1. Happy
Meal french fries last longer than the Happy Meal toys....but the toys taste better.
The Things Our Children Say
* "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting
in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard."
* My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6.
He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
* Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining
dumplings!"
* As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he
thinks you're surrendering."
* Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle,
she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"
* When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired
right back, "capital F!"
* While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut.
He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."
* My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be
fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?"
* Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary,
my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, "I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
*
His mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have
a son -- me!"
* When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins.
The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what?
They are not only twins, they're brothers!
Science Answerw From 5th & 6th Graders
* The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top,
and you sit on the bottom.
* It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.
*
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
* Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they
look like umbrellas.
* The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
* The alimentary canal is
located in the northern part of Indiana.
* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
* Some people can tell what
time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.
* When planets run around and
around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
* One of the main causes of
dust is DIRT.
* A monsoon is a French gentleman.
* To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
*
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
* Water vapor gets together in
a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.
* There is a tremendous weight pushing down on
the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.
* The cause of perfume disappearing
is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
* You can listen to thunder
and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
Excerpts From Grade School Students' Papers:
* The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
*
A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
* (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water
and CO2 is cold water.
* The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
* Most of the houses in France
are made of plaster of Paris.
* The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
* The spinal
column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
* The parts of speech are lungs
and air.
* We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm
and gives more silk.
* One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
* A scout obeys all to whom obedience is
due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
* One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
* The four
seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
* The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
* The word trousers
is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
* The future of "I give" is "I take."
* Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
* Iron was discovered because someone smelt
it.
* In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
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