Every culture marks important transitions in peoples' lives--like marriage--with rituals and traditions that are loaded with meaning. Modern America is no exception, though we seem to have forgotten many of the meanings our own marriage traditions once had. Some stem from the ancient civilizations of Egypt, Greece, and Rome. Others stem from the pagan peoples who once inhabited Europe. Still others have been handed down from the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, or even the 19th century. Here are answers to some of the most interesting questions we could ask about today's common marriage rituals.

Why seal the deal with a ring?
Because of their circular shape, rings have symbolized eternity since the time of the ancient Egyptians, at least. Rings have also found frequent use as currency, and so giving a particularly precious ring has tended to indicate both the economic status and the seriousness of the giver. In fact, Pope Nicholas I decreed in 860 A.D. that all would-be husbands give valuable engagement rings to their prospective brides, publicly demonstrating their commitment through financial sacrifice.

The ancient Greeks believed that the third finger--the "ring" finger--contained a vein that ran directly to the heart. Because of this connection, they called it "the vein of love." And what better place to put a wedding ring than around the vein of love? Adapting this tradition, the Christian ceremony worked in its own Trinitarian message, with the first three fingers representing the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Why have a "best man"?
The ancient Goths, who inhabited northern Europe at the time of the Roman Empire, were a rowdy bunch by modern standards. Not only did they drink plenty of mead (a sort of ale made from fermented honey), young Gothic men were also apparently prone to kidnapping brides from neighboring villages--at least when there were not enough women in their own communities. Kidnapping, of course, is dangerous business, so it paid to enlist the aid of the best man the would-be groom could find.

Whether such bride-napping was always as violent as it sounds is questionable. Ritualistic, consensual "kidnappings" are commonplace to this day in Indonesia, for example. We know, however, that the best man used to be responsible for protecting more than the wedding rings. In the 2nd century, the best man was charged with standing guard, fully armed, throughout the ceremony, in case the bride's family decided to try to take her back. According to tradition, the same threat explains why the bride stands to the left of the groom. He needed his right hand free to draw his sword in case of a fight.

Why ask if we "know of any reason why these two should not be wed"?
In Europe during the Middle Ages, all births, weddings, taxes, and deaths were publicly announced through written and spoken proclamations called "banns." In the case of weddings, the purpose of these proclamations was more than merely informational. They were intended to prevent consanguineous marriages--marriages of closely related people.

As is true in every age, extramarital affairs and out-of-wedlock births meant that parentage in the Middle Ages was sometimes less than clear. Since most people lived in small communities, and since social, economic, and geographic mobility were all seriously limited, such parental confusion could easily lead to accidental half-brother/half-sister marriages. To avoid such matrimonial incest, all marriages were publicly announced, and the community was charged with policing itself. The command we still hear at weddings today--"if anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace"--descended from this practice.

The same command also fulfilled another function in years past. According to Roman law, a marriage was valid as soon as a man and woman made vows to each other, even if such vows were made completely in private and at the most intimate moments. Secret marriages were thus simple (probably too simple) to enter into. And a secret prior marriage, or even betrothal, was obviously good reason to prevent a would-be bride or groom from tying the knot with someone else.

Why throw the bride's garter to a bunch of men?
In some parts of Europe during the Middle Ages, keeping a piece of the bride's clothing was thought to bring good luck. Such luck, unfortunately, was good only for the guests. Brides sometimes ended up having their dresses torn to pieces by luck-seeking neighbors and friends. To combat this trend, brides began throwing a variety of items to the guests, including their garter belts and later their bouquets.

Unfortunately, even this practice proved too civilized for some medieval men, who impatiently tried to remove the garter belts themselves--generally, we may suppose, after a number of drinks (perhaps of mead). As such, it became traditional for the groom to remove the garter from his bride himself and toss it to the men.

Why wear something blue?
The history and anthropology of marriage customs shows that marriage is very much about inheritance, both genetic and economic. Marriage marks a transition, a time when symbols of continuity in the face of change become particularly important. It thus makes a certain amount of sense that brides are advised to wear "something old," "something new," and "something borrowed." Something old represents the continuity between the bride and her family. Something new represents the bride's hope for the future. Something borrowed, and later returned, represents her participation in the life of her community, in what anthropologists call social exchange.

But why "something blue"? Though the familiar adage dates only from Victorian England, the tradition of brides wearing blue is much older. In ancient Israel, blue was the color of fidelity and purity, and brides often tied blue ribbons into their hair or sewed them into their garments to symbolize their intended constancy. In fact, brides have probably worn blue on wedding days for much longer than they have worn white. Roman brides usually wore yellow, with red veils. The practice of wearing white to one's wedding was condemned by at least some Christian leaders well into the 18th century. Advertising one's virginity in this manner, they argued, was simply indecent.

Why eat cake?
Actually, wedding cakes were originally thrown at the bride rather than eaten. In ancient Rome, bakers made small, sweet cakes that the wedding guests threw at the bride similar to the way we now throw rice (or birdseed). Wheat had long been a symbol of fertility and prosperity, so showering the bride with cake was supposed to bring good luck--primarily in the form of many children.

By the Middle Ages, this tradition had evolved in the British Isles into a new practice, according to which guests came to the wedding celebration bearing small cakes. They piled these cakes into a heap for the happy couple: the higher the heap, the better the couple's prospects for the future. In time, bakers began to lace these piles of cakes with various icings and sauces, until eventually a chef--apparently a French chef, not surprisingly--had the bright idea of building them into a multi-tiered super cake.

--Steve Sampson

Copyright © 2002-2003 Meridian Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.

Why is a wedding ring always worn on the third finger?
Modern "authorities" on etiquette follow their predecessors in matrimonial procedure, in urging that the wedding ring always be worn on the third finger.

Before medical science discovered how the circulatory system functioned, people believed that a vein of blood ran directly from the third finger on the left hand to the heart. Because of the hand-heart connection, they chose the descriptive name vena amori, Latin for the vein of love, for this particular vein.

Based upon this name, their contemporaries, purported experts in the field of matrimonial etiquette, wrote that it would only be fitting that the wedding ring be worn on this finger. By wearing the ring on the third finger of the left hand, a married couple symbolically declares their eternal love for each other.

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