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It's often hilarious to listen to some contestants'
answers, under time-line pressures, to game-show questions. The fate of the free world is never at stake,
but some contestants just do not respond well under pressure. It is, of course, much easier to answer game show questions
in the comfort and security of one's own home than it is under the glare of TV lights, with millions of viewers watching.
Page Contents:
Worst Family Feud Answers
Actual Family Feud Answers
Original Hollywood Squares
Game Show Banter
These are actual answers given by contestants
in the game show The Family Feud:
Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde
Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers - A horse
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something you wear on the beach - A deck chair
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Something you put on walls - Roofs
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Something associated with the police - Pigs
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A con man
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
A food that can be brown or white - Potato
Something with a hole in it - Window
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
THE WORST FAMILY FEUD ANSWERS
EVER
Question: Name a former President
that most people would say is honest. #1 Answer: Lincoln Worst Answer: Nixon
Question: Besides San Francisco,
name a city that begins with the word San. #1 Answer: San Diego Worst Answer: Seattle
Question: Name a slang
term used for important people. #1 Answer: V.I.P. Worst Answer: Buddy
Question: Name something packrats have
a hard time throwing out. #1 Answer: Photos Worst Answer: Corn
Question: Name something that might annoy
a gardener. #1 Answer: Bugs Worst Answer: Not getting paid on time
Question: Name a reason a man might send
his wife flowers.
#1 Answer: Anniversary Worst Answer: Happy divorce
Question: Name a term used in football. #1 Answer: Touchdown Worst Answer: Fastbreak
Question: Name
a special request people ask for when making a dinner reservation. #1 Answer: Non-smoking Worst Answer: A menu
Question: Name someone you wouldn't want to get a phone call from. #1
Answer: The police Worst Answer: Your son
Question: Name a classical music composer everyone knows. #1 Answer:
Mozart Worst Answer: Julio Inglesias
Question: Tell me something specific you should drink a lot of when you're
sick. #1 Answer: Water Worst Answer: Alcohol
Question: Name something you'd hate to find at the end of your
nose. #1 Answer: Pimple Worst Answers: Lint
Question: Name the worst kind of shoe to run a marathon in. #1
Answer: High heels Worst Answer: Scuba flippers Louie Anderson's Response: If it's up there... I'll be suprised.
Question:
Name something a person wouldn't want living in their house. #1 Answer: Relatives Worst Answer: Mold
Question:
Name a musician who goes by one name. #1 Answer: Madonna Worst Answer: Reba McIntyre Louie Anderson's Response:
Show me the strike.
Question: Name something you'd buy for more than a thousand dollars. #1 Answer: House
Worst Answer: Pleasure equipment Louie Anderson's Response: I'm afraid to ask what that means.
Question: Name
something you think would be difficult about being a waiter. #1 Answer: Taking orders Worst Answer: Falling down
Question:
Name something a woman would find in her boyfriend's apartment that would make her think he was cheating. #1 Answer: Bra
Worst Answer: Used condom
Question: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time. #1 Answer: Video
games Worst Answer: Masturbate Louie Anderson's Response: I knew somebody would say it.
Question: Name a reason
why a woman might not want to kiss her boyfriend. #1 Answer: Bad breath Worst Answers: She doesn't love him that much
Question: Name something you do in front of your husband that you probably never did when you were dating. #1
Answer: Undress Worst Answer: Make out Louie Anderson's Response: With somebody else?
Question: Name a complaint
you might have about the pizza that was just delivered. #1 Answer: It's cold Worst Answers: It went to the wrong address
Louie Anderson's Response: And you just happened to be there.
Question: Name something you need to play Scrabble.
#1 Answer: Letters Worst Answer: Dice Louie Anderson's Response: Where did you learn to play Scrabble?
Question:
Name the age when a man might start to lose a lot of hair. #1 Answer: 30 Worst Answer: 14
Question: Name the
best month to schedule a wedding. #1 Answer: June Worst Answer: Summer
From The Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show
These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous
and not scripted as they are now. Of course, some of you 'young' ones might not understand some of them, but they're still
a hoot!
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk? Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your
apartment.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive,
is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married? Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Peter Marshall:
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall:
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"? Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple
and a twenty.
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something
to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Peter
Marshall: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"? George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? Rose
Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter . . . and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Peter
Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman? Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...
Peter
Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ...
but I don't recommend the cookies!
Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you
do anything? George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him I guess.
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear
leather? Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during your first year? Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter
Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score? Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to
the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her
husband's clothing. What item? Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind...
Peter Marshall: It is considered
in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000
years. George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on
airline flights in this country? Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: During
a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Peter
Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls? Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a
dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Peter Marshall: True
or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant. George Gobel: Yes,
and I think I voted for six of 'em.
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? Paul
Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall:
Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy? Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
Peter Marshall:
While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean? George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Peter
Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it? Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly
isn't neglected!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds? Charley Weaver:
A divorcee.
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying
to do? George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like
to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why? Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
Peter
Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays
Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for
a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall:
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Peter
Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best
things I ever did." What was it? Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that
he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter
Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady
drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? Don Knotts:
That's what's been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should
you try to break him of his habit? Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn
Q: "Imagine that you are a child in your mother's womb, can you
detect light?"
Paul Lynde A: "Only during ballet practice."
Some Additional Hollywood Squares quotes
Q.
If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that
way sometimes!
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five
senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take
more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q.
What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A.
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph,
the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the
other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A.
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls? A. Marty
Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde:
Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
Q. It is the most abused
and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q.
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it
in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who
told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll
lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason reported that he firmly believes in them and has already
seen them on at least 2 occasions. A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
1. On the Newlywed Game, Bob Eubanks asked the wife where
the most unusual place they had ever had sex was. Response: "That's got to be up the butt, Bob.
2. On Password the contestant was Black. The secret word
was"deer": The celebrity gave the clue "DOE". The contestant responded "KNOB".
3. The old Cross-Wits show was a crossword puzzle. The
host gives one of the two teams a clue, and they have to guess the answer and fill in the crossword. Alice Ghostley from Bewitched and Designing Women was the celebrity. The
clue was "A famous woodpecker." Alice responded for the team "Pinocchio."
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